Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
