Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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