u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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