my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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