i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
