facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
