her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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