I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
