They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
