I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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