The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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