My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
