upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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