i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
