THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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