Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
