: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
