I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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