well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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