i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
