his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
