as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it glows. i had to have it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
