When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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