Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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