This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
