im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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