...so i touched it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
