The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
