and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
