So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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