Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
