i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
