I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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