he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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