Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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