i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
