i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i will never coherently bang her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
