My boss' voice literally gives me gas
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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