It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You took a bar mat shot.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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