the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
