Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
