you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
