I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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