Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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