when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
