stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
