If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
