i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
