We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
