I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
