I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
