I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
