I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
