Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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