So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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