Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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