In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
