Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
