I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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