My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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