You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
