Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
