This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
