new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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