So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
