Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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