I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
