it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
