This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
