Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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