I accidentally burped into my bong.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
